Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
