she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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