im holly from the hills drunk
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
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