I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Randomize
