I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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