I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
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He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
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I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
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