sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
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