Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
