Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
