I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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