The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
