this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
there was a trapeze. enough said
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
