i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
