Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
