shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
