mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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