good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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