Sry I called you an 8
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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