Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
