the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
