Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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