dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
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