the condom got lost in my hair
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
