ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
