wat bout pragnant strippers??
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
