I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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