I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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