yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
only you would photoshop your dick
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
