So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
how drunk are you?
Several
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
