Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
