he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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