I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
