Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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