It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
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if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
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The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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