wakey wakey hands off snakey
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
