oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
