I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
