after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I need a beard to bite.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
