Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i can't believe i had my finger in that
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
