You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
