If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
