Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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