we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
They have beer where we have blood.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Randomize
