five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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