Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
