I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
