I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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