He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
