You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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