it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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