I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
