I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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