So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
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Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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