Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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