This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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