Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
