i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
