Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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