If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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