It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
please don't ironically join a cult
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