Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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