You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
