fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
