i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I need water and some morals
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