I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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