I think I can smell my own vagina right now
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
