im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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