Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
