She's JV to your varsity
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
