i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
