Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
