My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
