God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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