John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
