I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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