as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
