THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
