is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
